When it rains it pours

Hi Everybody,

Yesterday was another milestone for us. Sarah had her fourth chemo treatment, which means she's a third of the way through. This was both exciting and daunting all at the same time. It is nice to know that we have traveled a significant distance, but the road ahead is long and full of uncertainty. Let me back up for a moment and get you all up to speed.

The last treatment was rough. Sarah was dealing with the increasing pain of the $$$ shot, along with a host of new side effects. First it was the horrible taste left in her mouth by the treatment. This sounds minor, but living with it every minute of the day is excruciating. I think candy turned out to be the best remedy in the end. Once that let up, the sores came. Sarah's mouth was full of sores which made it a serious chore for her to eat, and even drink water. The mouth is full of fast dividing cells, which are the cells targeted by the chemo.

Another place we find fast dividing cells is in our hair follicles. This week Sarah's hair began to fall out. She had it cut shorter to ease the transition, and to curb the exodus that had begun. The doctor predicted that this would get worse over the next couple of weeks. This will be one of the hardest parts for me, and I'm guessing for others as well. Right now, Sarah does not look sick. She looks tired, and perhaps not quite herself, but not sick. Not Cancer. We all recognize the bald head as a sign of a cancer patient. It is beaten into our conciousness. Cancer is everywhere. It's in print and on television, surrounding us in our daily lives. Until now I have been able to filter it out with little effort, but that is no longer an option for me. I now must face the images, and realize what they represent. The hair loss is a sign that the fast dividing cells are dying, which means that the cancer is dying as well, and in this I can take solace.

It's time I explain the title of my post, for I have found new meaning in the phrase. We are definitely feeling the weather, and it is spreading into every area of our lives. This week marks the end of an era. After a long and drawn out battle, we've finally put Sarah's Mercury Tracer to rest. It took two tows and four trips to the mechanic to figure out that "the little car that could", could do no more. It was an inconvenient and expensive addition to an already overly complicated atmosphere, and it is hard not to assign the stress and intensity that we are already feeling to all of the ordinary trials and tribulations that life throws our way.

We tried to look at the positive and think of all the great places that little car has gone, from the Telluride bluegrass Festival to the Florida Everglades for the Phish millennium festival. The Tracer served Sarah well, but in the end too much sugarcoating only causes decay. It gets harder and harder to look on the bright side of things, constantly blinding ourselves in an attempt to block out the reality of our situation. I think that we've settled in to our routine, and learned to find our comfort elsewhere. The calls and e-mails, the facebook messages, the meals and the generous donations, these are are where we draw our strength from when the well starts to run dry. You have all shown us that good can flow like flood waters, just as easily as the bad.

I have two bits of good news that I've been saving for the end of this post. The first is about the $$$ shot. After Monday's blood draw we found out that Sarah's white blood cell count was high enough that the shot is not necessary this time around. This shot has been a great source of pain for Sarah, so it is a welcome blessing to skip it this round. It may come back in the future, but we are very thankful for the reprieve.

The other bit of good news is that our friend Katherine Upshire has offered to organize a benefit event for Sarah, which will help with the mounting cost of this experience. We have decided that a music event is the best fit for us, so we're having a concert and silent auction in early May. Many people have offered their artwork and services as auction items, so if any of you reading this would like to donate to the auction please contact me at fulopx2@gmail.com. I will post with more details about the benefit in the days to come.

I can't express strongly enough our gratitude for all help we have received so far.

Thank you for your love and support,

Dan